Old Habbits Die Hard

I feel like a seed caught in the breeze. I don't know where I'm going or where I will end up, but I'm enjoying the ride along the way. Sure it has its ups and downs, but overall I have a pretty nice life. Somewhere along the way I lost a friend that I once considered dear to me. I think it was for the best, we were growing further apart anyway. However I can't help thinking about her. I've had several dreams lately involving her, most of them about us reuniting our friendship. I don't know why I keep thinking and dreaming of her. Is it because I long for us to reunite? I really don't think so. I left the friendship willingly, because it was headed down the wrong path and causing me pain. Even though it was voluntary, it of course was not a pleasent goodbye. It ended in a fight. So do I long for closure? No, I don't think I do. I felt like there was closure the day I sent that email, and everytime I've seen her since. I don't miss hanging out with her; she always made me feel bad. Although I guess on some level I miss her. She was the joker, the life of the party. Being around her energized me. But I don't miss the things she used to say or the things she would do. I think I miss the old times. It got to a point though where I just had nothing to say to her. We have nothing in common anymore. I think we were hanging on out of habbit not out of true friendship. I know other people feel that way too. In regards to the same person. I think she has just moved on, put the people she used to care about in the past and instead focuses on her new friends. I don't miss her, I miss what used to be. I mean the past, the true past, the summer before high school where all we did was hang out together. That was a good time in my life, and I think that was the only thing that kept us together as long as it did. I'm not saying I hate her or that I want to reunite, I'm just saying that I still care and probably always will. She was a big part of my life for a long time, and old habbits die hard. I suppose that's why I think about her so much and even dream about her, because she was a habbit. Our friendship was a habbit.